tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1149217012399643733.post3931643830081143803..comments2023-12-06T00:48:23.734-08:00Comments on Daily Writing Practice: Thursday March 2nd, 2017Marchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952331166517430843noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1149217012399643733.post-47342511178709973222017-03-26T00:08:34.845-07:002017-03-26T00:08:34.845-07:00Greg - thanks for the kind words on mine :)
Goodn...Greg - thanks for the kind words on mine :)<br /><br />Goodness me, this is fantastic. I think I remember seeing more of this in future prompt responses... so I find myself very much looking forward to that!<br /><br />Wonderful details and atmosphere and story telling. Bravo.Marchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14952331166517430843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1149217012399643733.post-79122681820909480852017-03-03T12:24:21.215-08:002017-03-03T12:24:21.215-08:00"Footprints everywhere," said the first ..."Footprints everywhere," said the first SOCO, dusting for fingerprints on the fingers.<br />She pressed her own fingers to her temples, trying to concentrate, bring everything back into focus. For a moment the snow disappeared and there were four walls, a smell of tobacco and shampoo, men murmuring in the background and a doctor leaning in.<br />"This is really just an afterthought," said a friendly voice and fingers pressed to her temples. There was an instant of pain and then the snow was back and she felt like the real world had reasserted itself.<br />"She's a bit dead," said the second SOCO and she had to concentrate to work out who she was talking about. The corpse with the feet like gorgonzola cheese.<br />There was the smell of tobacco and a warm hand touched her back. "We'd like to know what she thought after she was killed," said a familiar voice. "We believe you can help."<br />"The afterthoughts," she said. "The thoughts we form as we prepare to move on."<br />"Just so," said the voice with the depth of tobacco, brown and lush, seductive and yet dangerous.<br />"I'm just going to wash my hair," said the first SOCO, smiling at someone behind her. "I've got new shampoo. It's called <i>Afterthoughts</i>, you wash, go,... and them remember that you needed to wash your hair." No-one laughed because it was serious and they all knew it.<br />She knelt at the cheese feet and felt a tightness in her chest. In her memories a doctor leaned in, eyes wide, mouth open. "They said you're an afterthought," said the doctor in a friendly voice. She reached out and let skin contact skin, the living and dead meeting again, a gateway opening, a threshold forming where things could have potential without having the weight of reality. A young girl, barefoot, stood there looking uncertain. She looked at her hands, black with fingerprint powder.<br />"I only wanted a cigarette," she said, her mouth opening impossibly wide. Red, red flesh yawned. "I just asked for a cigarette." Her mouth opened wider still, and her head hinged back so that the top of her head touched the back of her neck and there was just a hungry, toothy mouth where once there was a head.<br />"Do you have a cigarette, Jenny?"<br /><br />[Sorry for having to post twice; hopefully it's worth it]<br />Greghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08503319830584828982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1149217012399643733.post-61574444177552339192017-03-03T12:24:06.978-08:002017-03-03T12:24:06.978-08:00I hope the bakery tomorrow is steady then, so that...I hope the bakery tomorrow is steady then, so that the rush doesn't overwhelm you too much! It sounds like it's going to be a bit of an intense day though if it's like the previous Friday.<br />Rosa's is a bit of a sad tale though I was expecting (I don't know why) a slightly more uplifting ending from you :) Still, I like how detailed the background is and how it builds through to explaining the punchline. You get a clear feeling that she put up with a lot as she grew up, and the fact that her parents are never shown stopping her brothers is very telling and despite having no words is a superior image throughout the whole piece.<br /><br /><b>The afterthought</b><br />Bare feet on snow. Skin so white -- it reminded her of the tall pillars that fronted her parent's villa up in Northbrook, they were the first things visitors saw as they came up the drive -- that the blue veins were like lines of mould in cheese. Were shoes an afterthought or had they been deliberately removed? How about socks?<br />"No socks," said a police Scene-Of-Crime Officer standing nearby. He was holding a plastic bag by a corner; there was a black car key caught between the transparent layers. "No fibres below the shin." She shivered, vibrating in time to the rattle of the police tape tied around the trees. It defined a pentagon that gave them enough room to move in; at one point there was a white tent set up and she could hear voices from within. The wind blew from the east, carrying with it a scent of diesel fuel and she thought she knew where the vehicles were parked. Why couldn't she think of them as cars?<br />"Footprints in the snow suggest barefoot for a while," said a different SOCO walking behind her. She turned -- this one was carrying a logo-branded carrier bag that held rolls of tape and bandages. They were all roughly circular so they needed to be filed together... of course.<br />Greghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08503319830584828982noreply@blogger.com