The exercise:
Write about: tactics.
Max, he who has been regularly waking up at 5 or 6 in the morning recently, decided to wake up 5 minutes before 8 this morning. Which, seeing as I haven't had much need for my own alarm recently, was also the time I woke up.
Slight problem, that. What with me supposed to be at work at 8.
Managed to get there by 8:15, eating an apple on the way for breakfast and skipping my usual shower. Got Max his breakfast before I left, but had to leave a giant pile of dirty dishes on the counter from last night (that I'd fully intended on washing when I got up this morning).
Not the best start to the day.
On the plus side I was able to find a dishwasher in Penticton this afternoon. Picking it up after the market on Saturday. Hopefully have it installed before the end of the weekend. That ought to make a big difference around here.
Met up with Sue and Jake after Miles had his final midwife appointment. Went for a tasty dinner at a Greek restaurant in Penticton and then had to say our farewells for now. Hoping to get out to Calgary to see them in the fall.
Max wants to go see them tomorrow. After I'm done picking strawberries. We told him we're going to be busy on the farm this summer. So he said after that.
Such a reasonable young man.
Mine:
I've been in four or five different appliance stores in the last few days, looking for a dishwasher. I've come across some interesting sale tactics in each store, but the one I saw this afternoon just left me dumbfounded.
I was strolling along a display of full-size dishwashers, looking for apartment-size models (we live in a small cabin, what can I say?) when a sticker caught my eye. I forget what the original and sale prices were. It was the note, all in bold letters, that got me.
TWO HOUR SALE ONLY!!
Seriously? How many days do you figure that's been there for? I suspect at least a week. Longer would not surprise me.
Who would honestly believe that though? Who would look at that and rush into a purchasing decision, lest the super duper limited time only sale offer expires? (Can you imagine? 'Yes, I'd like to buy this dishwasher at this great price!' 'Sorry, sir. That sale just ran out. You'll have to pay full price.' 'Nooooooo!')
Ridiculous. I could only shake my head. And then later be relieved that the store I was in did not, in the end, offer the best option for what I was looking for.
Shopping can be so weird sometimes, you guys.
Well done on the acquisition of a dishwasher, though if your tale today is to be believed it was rather more of a struggle than I'd have expected! I could maybe see going into a couple of shops to compare prices, but a two-hour sale? Perhaps they're functionally illiterate in there and misspelled "week"? Still, I suppose you have to admire their determination to make a sale, and I guess the kind of people who fall for Nigerian bank-transfer scams would be eagerly begging for the sale to be still on....
ReplyDeleteSo you've decided that using Max as an alarm clock is a bad idea now? Haha :) Still, well done on only being 15 minutes late, though I suppose you're supposed to get there ideally before the bakery opens, so you were probably feeling rushed for the first hour or so regardless.
Tactics
The Sicticton Race Course, locally known as the Knacker's Yard for the number of injuries that happened there each week, was a wonder of town planning. It had been designed by local artist Geraldinium Holmes during one of her bleaker phases (the same phase that produced the kitten press and caused PETA to declare war on her) and was, from the stands, a thing of beauty.
Observing that a race course has the purpose of testing the horses over distance but needing to place the horses close enough to the audience to entertain them as well, Geraldinium had decided that laying things out flat was counter-productive. Instead the race-course was worked over four levels, with the jumps often taking the horses to the next level. The entire thing had been described as a Escher-like Möbius strip with enhanced perspective, but that had been in Sicticton's answer to Wallpaper magazine which had the previous month run an article on how to build your own concentration camp. There were water features and waterfalls, there were hedges and benches and rails and things that probably shouldn't be spiky but were, and there was occasionally subsidence that hadn't been intended as part of the course but was now unavoidable. For the horses at least. Geraldium had stated publically that it was the reificaition of a Riemann surface with Dehn surgery, but no-one was willing to hazard a guess as to what she might have meant by that. They raced horses there daily, and there was a large vetinary surgery next door.
It was worth noting that after she had designed the race course the town council showed a remarkable ability to bury their heads in the sand and asked her to design the town golf course as well.
"Right," said Freddy the Ferret, who looked like a basset hound: brown, sad eyes and a tendency to moroseness that had made his wife commit suicide. "Tactics for the race."
"You 'ave to be bloody kiddin'," said Monty. He was wearing jodhpurs and a shiny jacket and looked like a jockey with a meth habit. "That's not a racetrack, that's a cunnin'ly disguised horsemeat factory. Your best bet, and I wouldn't bet on any nag runnin' in that race, would be to get the horse to walk. Slowly, with the jockey checking the ground ahead of it with a big stick."
"Horses finish the course," said Freddy. His voice was soft and unconvincing.
"Yeah, in the same race they started in?"
"Mostly," said Freddy. "They only run three races simultaneously now, not like when they started. Then they used to run all seven for the day at once. It was carnage."
"Jesus. Sweet f'in' Jesus. And you've got tactics for this?"
"Simple ones," said Freddy, swinging his head from side to side like a horse. "Simple ones. First off, here's a gun. Shoot anyone who comes close to you."
Greg - mmm, I think you've managed to identify their target market. People Who Fall For Nigerian Bank Scams. Probably a larger demographic than I care to think about...
ReplyDeleteThe bakery doesn't open until 9, but I usually need that full hour to get things ready before unlocking the door for customers. If I recall correctly I think I managed okay on this particular morning.
I think I'd quite like to watch some races at this course you've described. Though I could probably do without the spiky things that shouldn't be spiky.
Also: Freddy seems well prepared for the task at hand.