The exercise:
As per Greg's suggestion, who is now moving on to the final round by the by, we're going to have a go at the round three challenge from Protag's Autumn Poetry Tournament. In the words of the fantastic Archi Teuthis:
You must describe a person, object, situation, etc. without using a single form of sight. You can describe thought, sound, texture, taste, smell, and emotions, but consider yourselves blind. Your poem can be on any subject, use any form, etc. but realize that you cannot describe someone or something's movement (jerky, languid, pained) or appearance (blank-eyed, grinning, ruffled) or anything else using what would be revealed purely by sight.
I spent maybe twenty minutes on mine (compared to hours on my first round entry) but I think if I was still in it I'd have ended up with something similar. I'm not much of a free verse poet, but this wasn't going to work any other way.
Mine:
You placed it in my palm,
Still sweating with tap water.
I closed my fingers, tentatively,
On the cool, smooth surface,
Wanting to preserve the superficial perfection
That you seem to hold so dear.
I brought it to my nose
And smiled, for I was inhaling
Wind and rain and sunshine.
My teeth sank into crisp flesh,
Juice dripped down my chin,
And I chewed slowly, savoring the first apple of fall.
They say that when one sense is taken,
The others become sharper,
Catching subtleties that others miss.
And every fall, when the first apple
Dances on my tongue,
I give thanks for this blessing.
Sorry, it's been a very hectic day today. I do like your poem, I'd guessed it was an apple a couple of lines before you revealed it, which is testament to your descriptive skills!
ReplyDeleteNo new poem from me, but I'll volunteer my entry to the tournament if you'll have it :)
g
Ah, my state fruit. I could feel the crispness of a Gala with those words, 'Loo. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI'm liking the prompt, but I have to disagree a bit. I find that sound especially can indicate similar visual qualities.
For instance:
1: I don't know, voice breaks with pain it just came outta nowhere...
2, in sunny tone: Oh, wonderful! It's excellent to hear you say so! Most excellent!
3, so quickly she trips over her words several times, clearly disheveled and offended: Well! If that's the way it is, then... scoffs Well, I never... Heels clip the floor at brisk pace in pure annoyance
I think it's a radio thing; if it's done right, the sound and tone of voice is another sight of sorts. No other visuals are required, really.
I realize you had nothing to do with the prompt's creation, but I had to throw in my two cents with a muffled metalic clink into the plastic-sounding bucket.
Greg - thanks. And I suspect you put quite enough effort into your tournament poem, so no new poem is required :)
ReplyDeleteg2- thank you. And fair point, but I think if you use sound to get around the limitation it's still a completely valid entry. I reckon if you take one sense away you have to become more descriptive with the others anyway.
So there ya go.