The exercise:
Write about something: unspoken.
Sorry for the very late posting. You guys know the drill by now.
Had fun having a balloon party with the boys this morning (and afternoon... and evening). What's a balloon party, you might be wondering? Basically you buy a bunch of balloons, blow them all up, toss them in the living room, and enjoy the chaos which ensues.
It's a particularly effective recipe when two little boys are involved.
Mine:
There is an agreement in place -
You can see it in his face.
No words are required here;
I'd do as he wants my dear.
It is much better this way,
When he doesn't have to say
What he is expecting of you -
So keep the peace and just do
What's needed to keep this house
Meek and quiet as a mouse.
2 comments:
The balloon party sounds like fun! You can't do that with chihuhahua's though -- the balloons are interesting initially but when they burst the dogs dislike the noise and the disappearance. They avoid the balloons after that. Bubbles however -- those are much more fun!
The tone of dominance and hint of fear never really leaves your poem after the first lines, and I think the silence in that house probably isn't relaxing. I wonder what you think of putting a space between each couplet though, as it feels like each pair of lines is slightly distinct to me, each revealing another facet of what's going on?
Unspoken
The plate smashes against the wall
Fragments of china, once a precious whole
Fly apart in all directions
--Unable
--Unable
--Unable to hold together when the impact is great
The knife slices through the Italian-made suit
Silk lining once caressing of skin
Now split, unlovely to see
--Your mother
--Your mother
--It's best to leave these words unspoken
Greg - haha, now I'm picturing dogs playing with bubbles and I can't stop smiling :)
I quite like your suggestion, thank you for that. I like the implied silence between the couplets that would bring as well.
Really like the format you've chosen, and it seems especially effective in the first stanza. That repeating 'unable' is hypnotic. Great work!
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