Heh, a free-form prompt today? I wonder what stories that will lead to?
East Wallingford Easter not recognised again Dale Tapster, owner of the East Wallingford Inn, was sat outside the famous drinking house at one of the wooden tables (not one of the two with suspected woodworm, which are being treated by the East Wallingford Silk and Termites Trust) and drinking a half-litre of his famous home-brewed ales (which he is now supplying in stronger bottles to the East Wallingford ValuePlusMart) when we spoke to him about the failure of the authorities, once again, to recognise East Wallingford's Easter. "It's an important cultural celebration," said Dale. "We know that Jesus actually spent three months in East Wallingford when he was a boy, when Joseph and Mary were doing their 'wandering in the wilderness' bit, so there's historical grounds for us celebrating Easter when we do. And Orthodox Easter is officially recognised, so why not East Wallingford Easter?" "There are rumours that West Wallingford is planning to petition for recognition of its own Easter," said Dale's sister, Mabel. "Which would be stupid: three Easters are plenty. A fourth would leave no time in April for anything else." "Like Spring," said Dale, burping from the ale. We questioned that, as Spring officially starts in March, and discovered that the East Wallingford Tourist Board had been petitioning for ten years to move the start of Spring to the third week in April, due to East Wallingford's unique geographical location. "They sent us a letter this year," said Dale. He produced a plain white piece of A4 with a neatly printed message on it. We tried to read it, but Dale insisted on reading it out. "Dear Sir," he said, hesitating slightly over the longer words. "We admire your per-sis-tence in app-ly-ing for a new Easter cel-e-bration but since you are not the head of a form-ally rec-og-nised religion we commend your app-li-cation to the floor-based waste rec-ept-acle." He paused, and rubbed his nose. "That means we have to apply again next year," he said. We demurred, but neither Dale nor Mabel were listening. "We should have a proper Easter service this year," said Mabel. "So they can see that we do things properly. We should get a miracle to happen." Your intrepid reporters will update this story in the event of such a miracle happening. In the meantime, East Wallingford's not-quite-official Easter will be Thursday 15th April this year; Happy chocolate egg day!
East Wallingford's "Council Watchdog" Makes Corruption Claim. Again.
"Are you listening to me?" Sigh Morreli demanded before he had finished reading the first paragraph of his hand-written court filing. After receiving a polite nod in response, Sigh continued on and the Gazette's reporter returned to doodling in her journal.
East Wallingford's self-proclaimed Council Watchdog's latest accusation of corruption against the Town's governing body is in regard to their spending on the recently completed expansion of the outdoor play area at the Community Center. It is the Gazette's understanding that Mr. Morreli believes he could have done the work himself for half the cost, though admittedly we were listening rather distantly (due to COVID-19) precautions, obviously) while he spoke at us about the matter.
"And that slide?" Sigh scoffed, pointing in the general direction of the playground. "Have you seen how narrow it is? A large child could get stuck in five different places!"
"Or a small man?"
"Yes, or a small... what are you trying to imply?"
"Nothing, Sigh. Just making conversation."
"Fine. Good. And you're sure your editor will spell my name correctly in this article? S-Y. Sy. It's only two letters!"
"Of course, Sigh. It was just an auto-correct problem in the last five editions. I'm sure we'll have it fixed before deadline."
"It better be! Or you'll be receiving a very strongly worded letter questioning the Gazette's journalistic integrity and, perhaps, posing some very difficult questions about the paper's connections to this Town's so-called Council."
"Well, we obviously wouldn't want that, Sigh," he was assured. "We've run out of wall space in the staff washroom after all."
"What was that? You have to speak up with that mask on!"
Mr. Morreli was informed that the Gazette's reporter was merely pointing out that our offices have limited storage space and thus our staff is not interested in gathering additional paperwork when it could be avoided.
The Gazette has learned, just before deadline, that Mr. Morreli's latest complaint has already been dismissed by Judge D.B. Dunn. We have heard that Mr. Morreli was not able to utter a single word before the judge's gavel struck, but have been unable to confirm that report at this time.
2 comments:
Heh, a free-form prompt today? I wonder what stories that will lead to?
East Wallingford Easter not recognised again
Dale Tapster, owner of the East Wallingford Inn, was sat outside the famous drinking house at one of the wooden tables (not one of the two with suspected woodworm, which are being treated by the East Wallingford Silk and Termites Trust) and drinking a half-litre of his famous home-brewed ales (which he is now supplying in stronger bottles to the East Wallingford ValuePlusMart) when we spoke to him about the failure of the authorities, once again, to recognise East Wallingford's Easter.
"It's an important cultural celebration," said Dale. "We know that Jesus actually spent three months in East Wallingford when he was a boy, when Joseph and Mary were doing their 'wandering in the wilderness' bit, so there's historical grounds for us celebrating Easter when we do. And Orthodox Easter is officially recognised, so why not East Wallingford Easter?"
"There are rumours that West Wallingford is planning to petition for recognition of its own Easter," said Dale's sister, Mabel. "Which would be stupid: three Easters are plenty. A fourth would leave no time in April for anything else."
"Like Spring," said Dale, burping from the ale.
We questioned that, as Spring officially starts in March, and discovered that the East Wallingford Tourist Board had been petitioning for ten years to move the start of Spring to the third week in April, due to East Wallingford's unique geographical location.
"They sent us a letter this year," said Dale. He produced a plain white piece of A4 with a neatly printed message on it. We tried to read it, but Dale insisted on reading it out.
"Dear Sir," he said, hesitating slightly over the longer words. "We admire your per-sis-tence in app-ly-ing for a new Easter cel-e-bration but since you are not the head of a form-ally rec-og-nised religion we commend your app-li-cation to the floor-based waste rec-ept-acle." He paused, and rubbed his nose. "That means we have to apply again next year," he said.
We demurred, but neither Dale nor Mabel were listening. "We should have a proper Easter service this year," said Mabel. "So they can see that we do things properly. We should get a miracle to happen."
Your intrepid reporters will update this story in the event of such a miracle happening. In the meantime, East Wallingford's not-quite-official Easter will be Thursday 15th April this year; Happy chocolate egg day!
East Wallingford's "Council Watchdog" Makes Corruption Claim. Again.
"Are you listening to me?" Sigh Morreli demanded before he had finished reading the first paragraph of his hand-written court filing. After receiving a polite nod in response, Sigh continued on and the Gazette's reporter returned to doodling in her journal.
East Wallingford's self-proclaimed Council Watchdog's latest accusation of corruption against the Town's governing body is in regard to their spending on the recently completed expansion of the outdoor play area at the Community Center. It is the Gazette's understanding that Mr. Morreli believes he could have done the work himself for half the cost, though admittedly we were listening rather distantly (due to COVID-19) precautions, obviously) while he spoke at us about the matter.
"And that slide?" Sigh scoffed, pointing in the general direction of the playground. "Have you seen how narrow it is? A large child could get stuck in five different places!"
"Or a small man?"
"Yes, or a small... what are you trying to imply?"
"Nothing, Sigh. Just making conversation."
"Fine. Good. And you're sure your editor will spell my name correctly in this article? S-Y. Sy. It's only two letters!"
"Of course, Sigh. It was just an auto-correct problem in the last five editions. I'm sure we'll have it fixed before deadline."
"It better be! Or you'll be receiving a very strongly worded letter questioning the Gazette's journalistic integrity and, perhaps, posing some very difficult questions about the paper's connections to this Town's so-called Council."
"Well, we obviously wouldn't want that, Sigh," he was assured. "We've run out of wall space in the staff washroom after all."
"What was that? You have to speak up with that mask on!"
Mr. Morreli was informed that the Gazette's reporter was merely pointing out that our offices have limited storage space and thus our staff is not interested in gathering additional paperwork when it could be avoided.
The Gazette has learned, just before deadline, that Mr. Morreli's latest complaint has already been dismissed by Judge D.B. Dunn. We have heard that Mr. Morreli was not able to utter a single word before the judge's gavel struck, but have been unable to confirm that report at this time.
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