Ok, so I'm back from the UK, but the flight on Sunday evening was cancelled due to the weather and I only got back last night -- and the flight was over an hour late as well, so I've had about four hours sleep and have a full day ahead of me (thanks to the HR Manager putting interviews today). So we'll return to the Inspectral tomorrow, probably, when I'm less tired.
Cute "The Lich is cute," said Larry. The recoil from the rest of the group made him look up from his hand-drawn maps, and he furrowed his brow. "What?" "Speaking as a necromancer," said Falko, "Liches are not cute. They are typically highly intelligent monsters whose morals and values were formed several centuries ago when the world was quite different, and they are intent on returning the world to that state whether the rest of us like it or not." "I hear they vote Republican," whispered Ingwene. "No, cute," said Larry, stressing the last word. "Cute. As in, cunning like a fox." The looks he was receiving moved slightly from disgusted to puzzled. "So why didn't you say so?" asked Ingwene. "I did," said Larry. "Three times now!" "What did you mean when you said 'typically'? Aren't all liches evil cunning monsters with undead armies at their command who lay waste to Kingdoms?" asked Ursula. She was sat by the campfire, lit for warmth more than light, polishing her artefacts of faith. "And fraticides," said Larry. "That would mean they killed their own brothers," said Falko. "Not that they killed Rodney." "Archibald." "Whatever. I say typically because there have been exceptions to the overall trend. There was the lich of Greenbriar, a forest town near Deemhaven where they hunt for gnoph-keh. There are always issues with uncovering the history of the lich and this was no exception, but it seems like when it was performing the rituals to become a lich something went slightly awry and exploded, destroying roughly half of its head. The magic kept it alive somehow though and we had a lich that had half a brain, and that half was exposed to the air and rotting and it was factually demented. On one occasion it lost a significant battle because it sent its troops into the lava pit outside its own lair, killing them and providing a bridge across for the attackers in one fell swoop." Ursula nodded, seemingly deep in thought. "So the exceptions are from accidents?" "Sort of," said Falko. "The lich-queen of Jerronabond is an hereditary office; the queen is turned into a lich only after she's given birth to some daughters, and the lich is ritually sacrificed a hundred years later. Several times they've ended up turning a functional idiot into the lich-queen because they're the only daughter from the royal line." "I'm sort of surprised there are any liches at all when you describe them like that," said Ingwene. "I mean, with those as your examples, why would you do that yourself?" "We are trying to breed better liches," said Falko. The silence caused him to think back on what he'd just said. "I mean, there are necromancers in general who are trying to breed better liches," he said. "Definitely not all of us. And there are definitely not necromancers who get sent out to kill the liches that went wrong. Absolutely nothing like that at all." "So, the lich is cute," said Larry into the consequent silence. "And we need to be able to put ourselves in his shoes. To think like the lich, as it were."
2 comments:
Ok, so I'm back from the UK, but the flight on Sunday evening was cancelled due to the weather and I only got back last night -- and the flight was over an hour late as well, so I've had about four hours sleep and have a full day ahead of me (thanks to the HR Manager putting interviews today). So we'll return to the Inspectral tomorrow, probably, when I'm less tired.
Cute
"The Lich is cute," said Larry. The recoil from the rest of the group made him look up from his hand-drawn maps, and he furrowed his brow. "What?"
"Speaking as a necromancer," said Falko, "Liches are not cute. They are typically highly intelligent monsters whose morals and values were formed several centuries ago when the world was quite different, and they are intent on returning the world to that state whether the rest of us like it or not."
"I hear they vote Republican," whispered Ingwene.
"No, cute," said Larry, stressing the last word. "Cute. As in, cunning like a fox."
The looks he was receiving moved slightly from disgusted to puzzled. "So why didn't you say so?" asked Ingwene.
"I did," said Larry. "Three times now!"
"What did you mean when you said 'typically'? Aren't all liches evil cunning monsters with undead armies at their command who lay waste to Kingdoms?" asked Ursula. She was sat by the campfire, lit for warmth more than light, polishing her artefacts of faith.
"And fraticides," said Larry.
"That would mean they killed their own brothers," said Falko. "Not that they killed Rodney."
"Archibald."
"Whatever. I say typically because there have been exceptions to the overall trend. There was the lich of Greenbriar, a forest town near Deemhaven where they hunt for gnoph-keh. There are always issues with uncovering the history of the lich and this was no exception, but it seems like when it was performing the rituals to become a lich something went slightly awry and exploded, destroying roughly half of its head. The magic kept it alive somehow though and we had a lich that had half a brain, and that half was exposed to the air and rotting and it was factually demented. On one occasion it lost a significant battle because it sent its troops into the lava pit outside its own lair, killing them and providing a bridge across for the attackers in one fell swoop."
Ursula nodded, seemingly deep in thought. "So the exceptions are from accidents?"
"Sort of," said Falko. "The lich-queen of Jerronabond is an hereditary office; the queen is turned into a lich only after she's given birth to some daughters, and the lich is ritually sacrificed a hundred years later. Several times they've ended up turning a functional idiot into the lich-queen because they're the only daughter from the royal line."
"I'm sort of surprised there are any liches at all when you describe them like that," said Ingwene. "I mean, with those as your examples, why would you do that yourself?"
"We are trying to breed better liches," said Falko. The silence caused him to think back on what he'd just said. "I mean, there are necromancers in general who are trying to breed better liches," he said. "Definitely not all of us. And there are definitely not necromancers who get sent out to kill the liches that went wrong. Absolutely nothing like that at all."
"So, the lich is cute," said Larry into the consequent silence. "And we need to be able to put ourselves in his shoes. To think like the lich, as it were."
Greg - well, at least you'll be at your best for the interviews! :P
I think I'm growing rather fond of Falko. And I continue to be surprised that this group hasn't utterly fragmented by this point :)
Post a Comment