Well, that was careless of him! I hope you told him teeth don't grow on trees and made him promise to not lose any more ;-)
The tooth fairy The office was softly lit and the furnishings were all done in tasteful pastel shades. Blue and green were the predominant colours, so the room had a slightly pastoral feel to it, almost as though someone might break out a check tablecloth and picnic basket at any moment. That was enhanced somewhat by the life-size sculpture of a cow standing where, in any other office, the desk would have been. Leaning casually against the cow, wearing a pink gingham dress and chewing an actual corn-stalk, was Dorothy, the Hiring Manager. Sat at her feet, scratching behind his ear, was her erstwhile dog, Toto. "Um, hi?" said Steffi from the doorway. She had come straight from school so was still wearing her uniform and had her laptop tucked under one arm. She was pretty but a little too pale and a little too thin, and there were dark circles around her eyes suggesting that she didn't get enough sleep. "Is this the right office for the Tooth Fairy position?" Dorothy hiccoughed and smiled broadly. "it is," said Toto. "Though this isn't the best time. Do-ho here has just had a blazing row with the Scarecrow over cannibalism." "So... ok?" said Steffi. She grinned perkily and came in, closing the door behind her. Toto sighed and stopped scratching. "Can you come back later?" he said. "Only Do-ho's been drinking heavily all afternoon." "So... like, not really?" Steffi made the last word sound like "rilly" and laughed through it. "Oh good," said Toto. "Perfect. You're not British, are you?" "So, like no way!" Steffi waved a hand in a gesture that Toto thought had died out with Clueless "I live, like, three blocks west. My boyfriend drove me here, he's got a car! And I've got a dental plan!" "Right," said Toto. "'cos if you were British you'd have understood you were being told to go away." "So, like, do you the interviews, or does she, like, do them?" Toto sighed again and got to his paws. He trotted behind the cow and after a couple of seconds a yellow puddle of liquid started to gather around Dorothy's feet. Steffi noticed that Dorothy wasn't wearing any shoes, just long stripey socks. "I do them," came Toto's voice. "Dorothy doesn't do a whole lot, but we can't seem to shake her off. She's like a bloody remora." "Did she kill the Wicked Witch of the East?" "Jesus Christ. You drop one bloody farmhouse on someone.... As I'm sure you remember from the televised trials, 'if the red shoes fit, you must acquit!' Do-ho has not been found guilty of murder. And before you carry on asking insensitive questions, what makes you think you'd be a good tooth fairy?" "Uh, so, like, I'm a night person and I've got my own stepladder and pliers." Toto reappeared. "Sounds good enough," he said. "Do you like kids?" "Uh, yuck, no!" "Pretty much perfect," he said. "You get paid per tooth, but there are deductions if there are complaints, so don't try getting more than 3 at once unless you're sure they won't notice. Pentecost is the meth neighbourhood, if you land a gig there you're golden if they've actually got more than one tooth left. Pick up a badge at the desk on your way out, and congratulations."
Greg - why did I know you'd interpret it that way? :P
Also: tooth number two has been wiggling around for two days now. Which will make him about a week late, once it comes out, for All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth...
Toto is the clear highlight of this piece, but all the details surrounding him are both essential and fantastic. I think I like the reference to the televised trials best :)
I must have been five or six, but I was awful at losing teeth. I hated wiggling the tooth, while kids around me loved showing their wiggly teeth. My Mom would try to help, but to keep her away I complained about her nails. That didn't buy me a lot of time, as she went into the other room and I heard her clipping her finger nails. That is when my Dad told me about this wonderful tooth fairy, that would leave a large amount of money in exchange for a tooth. Suddenly, I loved losing teeth. One time I lost so many teeth back to back, "the tooth fairy" wrote me a typed letter, that was basically an I owe you. I still have it in a photo album, because I thought it was such a big deal that the very busy tooth fairy, took the time to write me a letter.
Olivia - that typed letter is fantastic. Definitely a parenting win in a difficult situation.
Max lost his second tooth while we were snowshoeing. My wife put it in a kleenex and stuck it in her pocket... and then we totally forgot about it until Max went to check under his pillow the next morning.
I told him we forgot to put it there but I'd make sure the tooth fairy came that night... and then felt obligated to leave him something extra for forgetting.
4 comments:
Well, that was careless of him! I hope you told him teeth don't grow on trees and made him promise to not lose any more ;-)
The tooth fairy
The office was softly lit and the furnishings were all done in tasteful pastel shades. Blue and green were the predominant colours, so the room had a slightly pastoral feel to it, almost as though someone might break out a check tablecloth and picnic basket at any moment. That was enhanced somewhat by the life-size sculpture of a cow standing where, in any other office, the desk would have been. Leaning casually against the cow, wearing a pink gingham dress and chewing an actual corn-stalk, was Dorothy, the Hiring Manager. Sat at her feet, scratching behind his ear, was her erstwhile dog, Toto.
"Um, hi?" said Steffi from the doorway. She had come straight from school so was still wearing her uniform and had her laptop tucked under one arm. She was pretty but a little too pale and a little too thin, and there were dark circles around her eyes suggesting that she didn't get enough sleep. "Is this the right office for the Tooth Fairy position?"
Dorothy hiccoughed and smiled broadly.
"it is," said Toto. "Though this isn't the best time. Do-ho here has just had a blazing row with the Scarecrow over cannibalism."
"So... ok?" said Steffi. She grinned perkily and came in, closing the door behind her. Toto sighed and stopped scratching.
"Can you come back later?" he said. "Only Do-ho's been drinking heavily all afternoon."
"So... like, not really?" Steffi made the last word sound like "rilly" and laughed through it.
"Oh good," said Toto. "Perfect. You're not British, are you?"
"So, like no way!" Steffi waved a hand in a gesture that Toto thought had died out with Clueless "I live, like, three blocks west. My boyfriend drove me here, he's got a car! And I've got a dental plan!"
"Right," said Toto. "'cos if you were British you'd have understood you were being told to go away."
"So, like, do you the interviews, or does she, like, do them?"
Toto sighed again and got to his paws. He trotted behind the cow and after a couple of seconds a yellow puddle of liquid started to gather around Dorothy's feet. Steffi noticed that Dorothy wasn't wearing any shoes, just long stripey socks.
"I do them," came Toto's voice. "Dorothy doesn't do a whole lot, but we can't seem to shake her off. She's like a bloody remora."
"Did she kill the Wicked Witch of the East?"
"Jesus Christ. You drop one bloody farmhouse on someone.... As I'm sure you remember from the televised trials, 'if the red shoes fit, you must acquit!' Do-ho has not been found guilty of murder. And before you carry on asking insensitive questions, what makes you think you'd be a good tooth fairy?"
"Uh, so, like, I'm a night person and I've got my own stepladder and pliers."
Toto reappeared. "Sounds good enough," he said. "Do you like kids?"
"Uh, yuck, no!"
"Pretty much perfect," he said. "You get paid per tooth, but there are deductions if there are complaints, so don't try getting more than 3 at once unless you're sure they won't notice. Pentecost is the meth neighbourhood, if you land a gig there you're golden if they've actually got more than one tooth left. Pick up a badge at the desk on your way out, and congratulations."
Greg - why did I know you'd interpret it that way? :P
Also: tooth number two has been wiggling around for two days now. Which will make him about a week late, once it comes out, for All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth...
Toto is the clear highlight of this piece, but all the details surrounding him are both essential and fantastic. I think I like the reference to the televised trials best :)
I must have been five or six, but I was awful at losing teeth. I hated wiggling the tooth, while kids around me loved showing their wiggly teeth. My Mom would try to help, but to keep her away I complained about her nails. That didn't buy me a lot of time, as she went into the other room and I heard her clipping her finger nails. That is when my Dad told me about this wonderful tooth fairy, that would leave a large amount of money in exchange for a tooth. Suddenly, I loved losing teeth. One time I lost so many teeth back to back, "the tooth fairy" wrote me a typed letter, that was basically an I owe you. I still have it in a photo album, because I thought it was such a big deal that the very busy tooth fairy, took the time to write me a letter.
Olivia - that typed letter is fantastic. Definitely a parenting win in a difficult situation.
Max lost his second tooth while we were snowshoeing. My wife put it in a kleenex and stuck it in her pocket... and then we totally forgot about it until Max went to check under his pillow the next morning.
I told him we forgot to put it there but I'd make sure the tooth fairy came that night... and then felt obligated to leave him something extra for forgetting.
Woops.
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