I have decided to bake this weekend: flapjacks and brownies. Which, if they don't last all week, will then force me to go to the gym I suppose...
The scrapyard "I turned forty, Doctor, and I feel like I'm..." "At a crossroads?" suggested Dr. Fraud, in what was unusually thoughtful for him. "No, more like abandoned in a scrapyard," said Elise. "Ah, that would explain the streaks of rust," murmured Dr. Fraud, losing another game of Minesweeper on his tablet.
Hi Sexy! Welcome to Marc's blog -- he'll greet you himself at some point, but he falls behind on comments now and then and it might be a day or two before that happens. Can I just say that I like your name? I tried for so long to get people to believe my name was Sexy too, but I had no success at all. I got a lot of raised eyebrows and quizzical looks as people said, "Sexy? Was your mother... blind?". Some of the nicer people would smile in the way you do when you greet an obviously retarded child and tell me, "That's a nice name, but are you sure it's yours?" And then there was the writing teacher who just used to write "Not" in front of my name on all my written submissions. It was subtle, but I got the message eventually. But I digress, we're here to write and critique and help each other out! So my first comment has to be (I'm really so sorry, Sexy), that on four-line prose day we are supposed to write only four lines. Four sexy lines. Now, Marc's not draconian about this (although I live far enough away from him that it would be expensive for him to come and cut my fingers off, Sexy), but your lines are kind of repetitive and I think that if you'd cut them down to just four you'd really pack a punch, some sexy oomph, Sexy, into your writing. Secondly, with only four lines to play with I think you have to be careful about making sexily dubious grammatical choices: Most Hottest in your first line is absolutely sexy as hell, Sexy, but it comes across as sloppy (and no-one thinks sloppy is sexy; I've got stories about the time I was sharing a studio apartment in Vegas with a casino cow-girl -- now she was truly sexy -- who had the hygiene standards of a World-War I cholera victim... but I'm getting off-topic again). You also repeat Hottest in the second sexy line, Sexy, and this repetition is a theme but... it's not good. Not really. But you are sexy, so there's that. Who needs to write well when they're sexy, right? Well, according to my writing teacher, me. But I'm not bitter. Right, I think I've digressed again. I'm giving you a (sexy) 4 out of 10 for this, because I know you can do better. And I've just signed up for a pole dancing class because I really want people to call me sexy, and not just ask me "which side of 300lbs is your weight on these days?" and "can you put this plastic on over your head and tie it tight to make sure it doesn't come off? You're scaring the children."
3 comments:
I have decided to bake this weekend: flapjacks and brownies. Which, if they don't last all week, will then force me to go to the gym I suppose...
The scrapyard
"I turned forty, Doctor, and I feel like I'm..."
"At a crossroads?" suggested Dr. Fraud, in what was unusually thoughtful for him.
"No, more like abandoned in a scrapyard," said Elise.
"Ah, that would explain the streaks of rust," murmured Dr. Fraud, losing another game of Minesweeper on his tablet.
Hi Sexy! Welcome to Marc's blog -- he'll greet you himself at some point, but he falls behind on comments now and then and it might be a day or two before that happens. Can I just say that I like your name? I tried for so long to get people to believe my name was Sexy too, but I had no success at all. I got a lot of raised eyebrows and quizzical looks as people said, "Sexy? Was your mother... blind?". Some of the nicer people would smile in the way you do when you greet an obviously retarded child and tell me, "That's a nice name, but are you sure it's yours?" And then there was the writing teacher who just used to write "Not" in front of my name on all my written submissions. It was subtle, but I got the message eventually.
But I digress, we're here to write and critique and help each other out! So my first comment has to be (I'm really so sorry, Sexy), that on four-line prose day we are supposed to write only four lines. Four sexy lines. Now, Marc's not draconian about this (although I live far enough away from him that it would be expensive for him to come and cut my fingers off, Sexy), but your lines are kind of repetitive and I think that if you'd cut them down to just four you'd really pack a punch, some sexy oomph, Sexy, into your writing. Secondly, with only four lines to play with I think you have to be careful about making sexily dubious grammatical choices: Most Hottest in your first line is absolutely sexy as hell, Sexy, but it comes across as sloppy (and no-one thinks sloppy is sexy; I've got stories about the time I was sharing a studio apartment in Vegas with a casino cow-girl -- now she was truly sexy -- who had the hygiene standards of a World-War I cholera victim... but I'm getting off-topic again). You also repeat Hottest in the second sexy line, Sexy, and this repetition is a theme but... it's not good. Not really. But you are sexy, so there's that. Who needs to write well when they're sexy, right? Well, according to my writing teacher, me. But I'm not bitter.
Right, I think I've digressed again. I'm giving you a (sexy) 4 out of 10 for this, because I know you can do better. And I've just signed up for a pole dancing class because I really want people to call me sexy, and not just ask me "which side of 300lbs is your weight on these days?" and "can you put this plastic on over your head and tie it tight to make sure it doesn't come off? You're scaring the children."
Greg - now accepting mailed shipments of brownies. Just saying.
That is quite unusually thoughtful for the good doctor. Glad he recovered his usual sensibilities at the end there :)
You have far too much fun with the spammers. I simply cannot bring myself to delete it :D
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