Sunday July 13th, 2014

The exercise:

Write about: the findings.

Uncomfortably hot once again today. Managed to avoid the worst of it, surviving until we took Becky to the beach for a BBQ dinner.

I grilled up yams, patty pan, and sausages while Kat prepared a salad. Max, despite once again skipping his afternoon nap, quite enjoyed himself - especially when a fellow beachgoer's dog came over for a visit.

Taking tomorrow morning and afternoon off before beginning the box program harvest tomorrow night.


The investigation had been a lengthy affair, one of the most complicated and confounding tasks our department had ever undertaken. All hands were on deck by the end, with the rest of our projects set to the side until a satisfactory conclusion could be found.

And, eventually, it was. Just in time, too. If things had dragged on much longer we likely would have begun to lose employees, either because they quit or because they died. Exhaustion would have claimed as many victims as old age.

The final report was thicker than a dictionary and was delivered by our department head (with help from his strapping young assistant). I'm told he entered the boardroom with his head held high and his back straighter than it had been in... well, I'm fairly certain he came out of the womb with poor posture.

Our CEO (not the one who had commissioned the report - that one had quit years earlier) seemed suitably impressed as he began to peruse our findings. He was fascinated within hours, carrying on even as the cracks began to appear in his desk from the weight of the thing.

Last I heard, he's nearly halfway through it now, and there's hope that he might finish it before the results are obsolete!


Greg said...

I sympathise with you and the temperature, though a part of me remembers that you did choose to live in a desert... ;-) I'd be dead through dehydration from my continual moaning if I had to tolerate those temperatures! The BBQ sounds very nice though; I'm sure Becky must have enjoyed it all!
Heh, you've drawn on your previous corporate life for your tale today, haven't you? I feel like what you've described still happens to me day after day here... though it's better than the previous firm where they'd have waited for the results to be obsolete before deciding to implement them.
Great build-up and path through the story too!

The findings
"This D-raft," said Olivia, looking at it through the bridge's viewing screen. "Does it get used a lot?"
Captain Hollister looked up from his consoles, of which there were fifteen arrayed around his chair. Olivia could barely see his tousled dark hair above them. "Yes," he said. "Unfortunately so. I've heard tell that there are some starship captains who avoid damage to their ships and sleep with glamorous aliens, but that never seems to happen here."
Olivia raised an eyebrow, and then realised that she could barely see Captain Hollister he probably couldn't see her either. "Is that policy? Sleeping with glamorous aliens?"
"No, in fact policy explicitly forbids sleeping with all aliens, and the medical personnel take great pleasure in reporting all xeno-infections to the ship's Political Officer."
"Huh," said Olivia, wanting to change the subject. "Well, back to the D-raft. These pointy bits--"
"Fins," said Captain Hollister. "For stabilising flight in atmosphere when we attempt to crash-land."
"They're a bit damaged."
"Fin-dings," said the Captain, and Olivia was sure she caught a glimpse of a smirk through a gap in the consoles.

Aholiab said...

The Findings

“Come in, Harold. Go ahead and close the door and take a seat.”

Harold Jenkins stepped into his boss’s office and closed the door behind him. He nodded to the other men in the office as he took the remaining empty seat.

“I’m sure you know everyone here: Manny Johnson, VP of Human Resources; Ted Carlisle, Director of Legal; Samantha Hardison, Accounting Manager; and Tiffany Lewis, IT Services.”

Harold nodded vaguely around the room. “What’s this all about?”

“Mr. Jenkins,” his boss began, “about three months ago we launched an investigation into the possibility of financial and ethical improprieties in your performance and in your relationships with our customers and competitors. It is now my duty to inform you that you are no longer an employee of Clemens and Associates. You will be escorted from the premises by the security guard waiting outside the office.”

“What! I’d like to see your findings so that I can defend myself!”

“Oh, Jenkins. We didn’t find anything. I just don’t like you.”

Marc said...

Greg - yes, I do not miss corporate life at all.

'Fin-dings'? Really? You amaze me some times :)

Aholiab - hah! That final line is refreshingly honest :)