Sunday June 12th, 2016

The exercise:

Write something which takes place at an: awards show.

Spent the morning and early afternoon preparing for guests to arrive. Then, when we still hadn't heard from them, Kat double checked her messages and realized her friends weren't coming until tomorrow.

Oh well, all that stuff needed doing anyway, and now we won't have to rush around doing it on Monday.

Andrea and Sherman and their two boys (similar ages to our boys) will be camping here for a couple nights before heading back to Victoria. Hopefully the weather is a little nicer to them than what they're currently forecasting.

Mine:

"Good luck tonight."

"Luck? I don't need luck. This is about talent, not luck."

"Right, of course. Well then, good luck with that."

"With what, exactly?"

"With your category being based on talent and performance and all that silly stuff."

"And all that silly stuff?!? What else would it be based on?"

"Oh, you know, the usual."

"No, I don't know. What the hell is the usual?"

"Oh, just things like how big the bribes were, how pretty the hookers were, how high quality the drugs were, how pr-"

"I think I'm going to be ill. Where's the nearest bathroom?"

"Yeah, good luck with that, too."

2 Comments:

Greg said...

Ah, that's a shame that you spent all that time and then discovered the wrong day! Now you'll be trying to keep everything nice and tidy for longer, and while I'm sure that's easy, it's still extra work in a way.
Hmm, well, I'm with you on the usual prerequisites on winning a talent show (personally I think bribing the judges with high quality drugs works best) it sounds like your characters are learning the hard way :) I kind of get the feeling you've been watching a little too much American Idol recently though....

Awards show
"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank-you all for attending tonight! Give yourselves a big round of applause, you deserve it! After all, none of the tickets were cheaper than $80 and anyone with an actual seat has paid at least $150. People who might actually get awards have paid even more, but I'm not allowed to disclose those figures. Before any of you get up and start complaining (and I might remind you that there are people here who've been standing for eight hours now and will be keen to steal your seat) let's get on with the first award for the evening!
The first award is the Marco Kwan Trophy for Physical Poetry, which you can see here on the stage next to me. For those of you new to the awards ceremony the trophy is carved from solid concrete and weighs a little under forty tons. You've all signed a legally binding agreement when you bought your tickets guaranteeing that you will take any award that you are given away with you, and that specifically means this one. No pushing it into the car park and leaving it there!
The nominees for the award – and there's no point trying to leave now, the doors are locked and security are armed with a variety of innocent-looking weapons – are:
Delilah Catastrophe for her poem The wreck of the Hesperides performed with an ensemble cast in wheelchairs,
Manuel Ricerca for his poem Ouroboros which required over fifty separate surgeries in order for him to contort himself into all of the positions,
Attwood Tank and Madeleine Swansong for their poem Counting Crows for which they incurred the wrath of bird-protection societies in eighteen countries and public health departments in every town in Canada. That's pretty impressive guys!
And finally Partners in Crime, for their poem Pick a pocket or two whose only performance to date resulted in sixteen dead, forty-two injured and a possible rift in the space-time continuum.
Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you've been holding your breath! The winner is..."

Marc said...

Greg - eh, it worked out pretty well in the end.

Also: I'm fairly certain I have never watched American Idol.

Love the introduction. The nominees all seem very, very worthy. Though I thought they were called Partners in Rhyme? Or do they go by their true name at award shows?