Saturday December 19th, 2015

The exercise:

Write a four line poem about: the phantom.

Bed frame putting together party? Started out okay, hit a roadblock, figured out a way through the roadblock, hit another, bigger roadblock by getting a bolt stuck partway into a hole, and then... stripped the bolt head.

So bed frame putting together is on hold until after we get back from our Christmas trip because I've run out of time. We need to pack and run errands tomorrow and then we're leaving Monday morning. I'll probably need Kat's dad's help when I get back to figure out a solution to the bolt problem, but I'm hopeful that it'll get sorted out a lot easier without the time pressure of a week-long trip looming over me.

This evening we went to Kat's brother's house for an early Christmas dinner slash birthday party for my brother-in-law. Adam's birthday is on the 22nd but we'll be gone by then, and we also wanted to exchange presents with Kat's family before we hit the road.

It was a fun night. Max and Natalie especially enjoyed themselves. Hopefully all of his new things will keep him occupied while Kat and I try to pack tomorrow.

Mine:

He walks these crowded streets,
As lonely as you or I.
Do you think he's living,
Or simply waiting to die?

4 Comments:

ivybennet said...

Wow, Marc. That was pretty powerful, especially the last two lines.

The Phantom:

While he creeps behind me, never to
Part ways with my shadow, there is
No fear within my heart. For this
Phantom presence protects, not harms.

Greg said...

@Ivy: that's nicely mysterious in just four lines, though I was definitely a little worried until you reached the end and revealed the purpose of your phantom!

@Marc: I bet Max is disappointed, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing: better to have the time to get everything right than to get things wrong and regret it for the rest of the year.
The simplicity and brevity of your poem is extremely effective; I agree with Ivy, that's a very powerful little ode!

The Phantom
As twilight turns to night and the sky's adorned with stars,
He appears at the roadside, a beacon for the cars.
Like an ancient lighthouse keeper he beckons drivers on,
Through the safety rails to crash in Phantom's Canyon.

Marc said...

Ivy - thank you!

I'm with Greg on yours. Very nicely done :)

Greg - thanks to you as well!

Absolutely love your first two lines, they are a pleasure to read aloud. First three, even. I felt the final line didn't quite fit with the flow, though it definitely capped off your poetic story nicely.

No idea how I'd change it, but I'm wanting to. I realize that's super helpful, but it's late and I'm tired and blah blah blah...

Greg said...

@Marc: you're absolutely right; the iambs are wrong in the last line because the stress in Phantom's falls in the wrong place. It really needs the name changing to something with the stress on the first syllable – probably spectre actually, but I couldn't think of it at the time!