Thursday December 24th, 2015

The exercise:

Write about: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Feeling warm and happy tonight, with all of my family here in Comox for Christmas. I hope this Christmas Eve finds you feeling the same, wherever you happen to be and whoever you happen to be with.

Kat and I went out for lunch today, leaving Max at home with my parents. He wasn't particularly keen on letting us go but then he stuck one of his craft feathers in my hair and then he did the same to Kat and we both promised to wear our (pink) feathers until we returned. Satisfied, he returned to hiding feathers in my dad's hair.

We took ours off shortly after leaving the driveway but, to our credit, managed to remember to put them back on before re-entering the house.


"I don't have a problem."

"That's pretty clearly untrue, Rudolph."

"You're looking at a genetic issue, that's all."

"We're your friends, Rudolph. We're just trying to help you."

"This isn't my fault! I've done nothing wrong!"

"If you'd just stop lying to us and, more importantly, yourself then this wouldn't be necessary."

"I'm telling you, I don't have a problem!"

"Right. So where do you think all the eggnog went?"

"I don't know! Santa, maybe?"

"That's low, Rudolph. Really, really low. Even for an addict."

"I'm not an addict!"

"It's okay, Rudolph. You'll have plenty of time to learn acceptance and then work toward solving your problem a-"

"I don't have a problem!"

"At the Betty Ford Clinic."


Greg said...

Merry Christmas! It's festively wet here, but it seems to be difficult to get snow in London these days. The craft feathers sound rather appealing, but I can see why you might have preferred to eat lunch without them in your hair. Well done on remembering to put them back in before you saw Max again though!
Haha, I like your take on what Rudolph's red nose really means, and it was a nice touch that it's through eggnog rather than competing with Santa for the glasses of sherry left out! I wasn't entirely clear on who the other speaker was – another reindeer, I think? – but I did like the patient, steady words and the way it becomes clear that Rudolph is getting a cure whether he likes it or not!

Greg said...

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
"Did you say Swarovski?" Ben looked as though someone had handed him decaf Nescafé after he'd ordered a triple-shot ristretto from single-estate beans.
"A joke," said Bill. He waved a placating hand. "Calm down, and remember that people still tell jokes from time to time. And that reasonable people even pretend to find them funny."
"Swarovski's not funny," said Ben. "Jesus, I thought I was going to have to fake a heart-attack then. I am not being hired to steal something I wouldn't even use as toilet paper."
Bill wrote something into the crossword grid and then looked up. "That sounds painful," he said.
They were sat in the darkened café attached to the gift shop in the Crescendem Stately Home. The staff had gone home hours earlier, and the security guard was on his second bottle of scotch for the evening watching re-runs of Rentaghost so they were making their own coffee, helping themselves to pastries, and in Bill's case, solving Saturday's crossword.
Ben thought about it for a moment. "Yes," he said. "I guess it does. But I'd still rather do that than be hired to acquire any of it."
Somewhere in the stately home a clock bonged gravely, and the two men counted the chimes together. "Midnight," said Ben. "We should get up to the roof."
The paper was folded up and neatly left by the cash-register, and the cups were returned to the sink for someone to discover and wash up in the morning. The unfinished carrot-cake was taken with them. They walked calmly through the Stately Home ignoring the cameras with the confidence of two grown men dressed as Santa's Elves, ascended a long, winding staircase that led to the top floor, and then paused while Bill picked the lock of a discreet door painted to match the wall in which it stood. When that opened there was a blast of cold air, and, oddly, the jingle of bells.
"Early?" asked Ben. Bill checked his watch. "Just on time," he said. "I was expecting him to be late, to be honest."
They stood silently, listening as heavy booted feet tramped across the snow on the roof, and then there was the sound of a large man squeezing himself down a chimney.
"Ridiculous, really," said Ben. "You'd think he'd use Amazon for his deliveries by now."
They ascended the stairs and found themselves on the roof, where a large sleigh was parked with seven reindeer harnessed to it. The lead reindeer lowered its antlers and snorted a challenge, but that was put aside when Bill offered the carrot cake. While it chewed happily, Ben unharnessed it and then the pair of them led it down the stairs.
"That was easy," said Bill. "What next?"
"Pass it off to the client," said Ben, "and let them figure out how to fence it."

Marc said...

Greg - and a very merry and belated Christmas to you as well!

Yeah, in my head the other speaker was a reindeer. Perhaps standing in front of the rest of the team, who are there as encouraging backup. And potential restrainers...

I think I love pretty much everything about your take. Bill and Ben are a fantastic team :D