Thursday February 16th, 2017

The exercise:

I do believe it is time for some more unfavorable comparisons. Agreed?

All right then, let's get to 'em.


Confident? No, I don't believe anyone has ever described the way he walks using that word. More likely - and accurately - one might say that his gait is like that of a toddler, with a bad knee, making his way across a field of partially frozen mud.

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Is he fit to be president? With complete certainty, he is equally fit as the contents of the diaper pail in a house with five diaper clad children.

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She gave a fine acceptance speech, if you like listening to a neverending loop of cats coughing up hairballs.

*   *   *

He had a cough like the bark of an asthmatic dog, but every now and again he sounded more like a garburator struggling to dispose of leftover, congealed vegetable soup.


Greg said...

Your unfavourable comparisons are as imaginative as ever, though I think I can see a theme running through with children, cats and dogs all contributing messes to the family home! I'm not sure I've ever come across "garburator" before though! Of them all, I think your third is probably my favourite for the way it links into the idea that internet cat videos are somehow good and subverts it :)

Unfavourable comparisons
His tan appeared to have been lacquered on and there was a faint smell of creosote hanging about him. The papers declared him "our most waterproof president yet", ignoring that his hair looked like a toupee that had been used to clean out the litter box and clearly wouldn't survive a storm.

Her singing had all the qualities that are best appreciated by stabbing yourself in the ears with a knitting needle until the blood flow gets too heavy -- and on her audition tape for American Icol the judges show you how to do it.

The apartment building reminded the estate agent of a bombed-out orphanage on a beach about to be struck by a tsunami and the inhabitants looked as though a dysentry epidemic would give them hope for a better future. He marked the price up by $200K and described it as "once in a lifetime".

The dentist observed that her patient's teeth were like year-old whiteheads that had hardened and crusted, reddening the skin around them and pulsing faintly with malignant intent. Even touching them with stainless steel tools made her want to plunge her hands into a bowlful of maggots to have the taint eaten away.

Marc said...

Greg - good lord, your last one. I was going to peg your third one as my favorite, but then than final one just obliterated everything.