Friday January 21st, 2011

The exercise:

Welcome to my second annual Diabetes Donut Day! (Explanation here, if you're curious)

Definitely one of the best ideas I've ever had. I only wish that I had thought of it on the one year anniversary instead of the fourth. Anyway, to celebrate we shall write four lines of prose that take place: in the donut shop.

Kat's dad and I installed the washer and dryer today. It wasn't that bad, except when it came time to level the stupid machines on the very uneven floor. But they're working and we've already done a load of laundry! Picture tomorrow, assuming I remember.

Mine:

The girl behind the counter couldn't look more bored if she tried. But then, how do I know that she's not trying? Maybe she's an aspiring actress, practicing for a role as... I don't know, a bored counter girl?

"I'll take five apple fritters to go, please," I say at length, putting us both out of our misery... until next Tuesday.

7 comments:

dumbricht said...

Marc, Happy Donut Day - my wife will be so displeased when I greet the kids with jellies today.

Loved your last line - makes the piece so sad.

I look at the stain, straining to remember how it appeared on my favorite blue dress. I shield my eyes, as the sunrise pierces the storefront window. Mouth tasting sour, I light a cigarette. The cheap bastard returns and hands me a glazed jelly stick.

Greg said...

@dumbricht: I like the pregnancy of your piece. It's complete in itself, but there's so much just waiting to happen there! I think I liked the details of the stain and the sunrise most, they hint at interesting revelations to come.

@marc: I remember Diabetes Donut Day, and I still think it's one of your better ideas. I hope it's been a fun day for you :)
I'd forgotten washers and dryers have to be level -- well done achieving that in your basement.
Ah, your actresses are all clearly Portman-style, doing the whole method-acting routine. I did like your little vignette.

In the donut shop
"Why are we here, instead of looking for Dr. Septopus?" Sylvestra stared around the Donut shop, while the Green Lightbulb drooled on the counter.
"I got thirsty for coffee," he said, licking his lips. "And this is the only place I can get it donut-flavoured."

Zhongming said...

Marc - Happy Donut Day! I agree with Greg that this is a great idea to mark it as an anniversary. And I pray that you're all well! :D

You bought me into the scene of the narrator’s mind instantly. It feels like I’m in a dreamland! :)

dumbricht – that’s wonderfully well defined and I like it’s proceedings! The potential for expanding seems awesome :)

Greg – I like the conversation and the licking lips action. Very cool! :D

---

In the donut shop

“Hi, can I help you, Sir?”
I looked through the glass counter, full of different donuts, “Can I have two chocolate donuts, please?”
“Of course, Sir, is there anything else you would like to purchase?”
“I’m sorry but can I have another extra donut for our diabetic little girl?”

summerfield said...

For the fourth time, this time with the Tim Horton's store manager as witness, Olivia repeated her order of "cinnamon-raisin bagel, lightly toasted, double butter, please."

And the cashier asked her, also for the fourth time, if that was all and the manager nodded in approval.

"Large green tea, bag on the side, please," says Olivia, rolling her eyes at the exercise.

When her order came, for the fourth time, she received a small cup of green tea with the bag in it, and milk, and a maple glazed donut with a slice of cheese.

Marc said...

Dumbricht - agree with Greg, you packed a lot into those four sentences. Very nicely done.

Greg - ah, I did miss those two. Glad to see they haven't (totally) forgotten about the good doctor.

Zhongming - thank you, and I liked the tie-in with the final line of your writing :)

Summerfield - oh man, I think I've been the customer in that scene before. Though, to be honest, I usually give up after the second try and just eat whatever they've brought me :P

Heather said...

Marc- Great little vignette!

-----

Sitting at the bar disappointed with the day-old-donut taste of the glazed Dunkin Donut on my plate, I watched out the window. The little shop itself sat half under ground and so I only saw shoes, calves, and hems. I smiled as a pair of zebra print shoes with a bright red three inch heel clicked by. I could always recognize Sylvia by her sexy and completely inappropriate shoes on the Chicago streets.

Marc said...

Heather - thanks!

I could picture your scene perfectly :)