Tuesday July 13th, 2010

The exercise:

Two Haiku Tuesday this week brings you: burned.

Starting to settle into a routine here. I could definitely get used to this.

Mine:

You say it's a tan.
I say I didn't realize
that you're part lobster.

*     *     *

I wander through this
blackened wood skeleton and
try to find our home.

5 Comments:

g2 (la pianista irlandesa) said...

The first one made me smirk a little, and there's something uncharacteristically bleak about the second one. It's chilling, but definitely well executed.
- - - - - - - - - -
I blush, embarrassed
as words fire back at me.
"Ooh, you just got burned!"
- - - - -
The sun beats down hot
Sunscreen is within arm's reach.
Plight of the ginger
- - - - - - - - - -
Yep. Definitely like my first better.

Greg said...

@g2: I like your first better too, but I have similar issues with the sun, and I'm not ginger -- just corpse-white ;-)

@Marc: I really like your second, there's a poignancy to it that resonates with me. As for your first -- people who tan brown instead of red just aren't normal....

Burned

You shrink back in fear,
Thinking that a smack must come;
I won't hurt you, pup!

-----

I found your letters,
Or rather, just their ashes,
And I cried again.

Brunnhilde said...

Bare feet lifted high
Dancing across the hot beach
It’s no use: they're scorched

Smoke curls stove to fan
While the bacon is blackened
And the TV drones

@Marc: I wanted something poignant like your 2nd one, but I didn't get there. You, however, absolutely did. Thanks for that. - B.

Marc said...

g2 - cheers, glad you liked it :)

I quite like your first one, though the second is also good!

Greg - I guess I'm not normal then; you should see how dark I've become since I moved here! Well, my hands/forearms/face at least.

Sigh, farmer tan.

Anyway. Your second one has a nice melancholy feel to it.

Brunnhilde - thanks very much. All these kinds responses make me glad I didn't change it like I was tempted to!

I like the image your first one paints in my mind, and the second one captures the scene nicely.

Great stuff. Out of curiosity, do you have a blog or something that holds more of your writing? I'd love to check it out if you have something.

Brunnhilde said...

@Marc: you're the nth person who has asked me about where my blog is, but remember, darling, I told you. I am LAZY. But you have me thinking more about one...