Sunday November 20th, 2016

The exercise:

Write about: the funeral parlor.

Moderately productive day. Could've been better, could've been worse on that front.

Did have a chilly but enjoyable walk with the family this morning. Need to force ourselves out of the house as much as possible this time of year, especially for Max's sake. He just goes stir crazy if we don't get out often enough.

Miles is scheduled for his next round of vaccinations tomorrow morning but he's been going through such hell the last few days with teething issues that we'll likely put the shots off until another day.

That first tooth has got to bust through eventually, right?


A death in the family got you down?

Walking all around town with a big, gloomy frown?

Let us cheer you up with a funeral service full of hilarious clowns!

With dazzling displays of dexterity and high flying hijinks, the only tears at the side of the coffin will come from excessive laughter! All of our bouquets feature refillable water vials for endless squirting mischief! How many of our jokesters can we fit into your casket? There's only one way to find out!

Come down with a serious case of the frowns? Then it's time to send in the clowns!

Leave the planning for your dearly departed's party to Ringling Funeral Parlor! We put the 'fun' back into funeral!

P.S. Balloon animals can be provided at an additional cost.


Greg said...

Getting out of the house is always a good thing, though I'm sufficiently introverted that most of the time I can go three days without setting foot outside while I recover from dealing with the rest of the world. However, having to take the dogs for walks kind of sorted that out: they're definitely not willing to take the risk that some other dog might muscle in on their territory....
I'm honestly not sure I'd wait till after teething for the vaccinations: might as well have all the discomfort in one go, no? Still, I hope it's not too long before it all settles down!
Hah, clowns at a funeral? You monster! I don't know if you spotted it already but Real fun is an anagram of funeral, and I think you've gotten close to that here :) I am tempted by the idea of treating the coffin as a clown-car though, that image made me smile very broadly indeed.

The funeral parlour
Crisp, clean, modern....
"My, it's so - so nice in here, don't you think? You'd hardly think this was a f-f-funeral p-parlour."
Attila smiled, his botoxed face not creasing in the slightest. His teeth were white, contrasting perfectly with his suntan; dark hair fell boyishly over his forehead and didn't quite cover one eye; and his suit (a melange of blues like deep ocean water seen from the bow of a luxury yacht) emphasized a muscular frame that conveyed a sense of security.
"Death is just another waypoint on a long journey," he said. His voice was contralto and the acoustics of the room added just a hint of reverb to his words. He sounded like a particularly good radio announcer. "There were times when it was feared, and there have been cultures where it was celebrated, but really it's just like any other significant event in our lives. We should approach it with care and forethought, and we should be ready for surprises."
"Whu-?" The lady -- short, paunchy, arthritic and yet surely under forty -- stared at him. She had a large shopping bag at her feet. Her eyes roamed from side to side and the soft sagging skin under her jaw wobbled ferociously like an angry chicken. "Whu-? Whu-?"
"Are you shopping for yourself?" asked Attila. The urge to shake her until she started speaking English was hard to ignore.
Still, calm. Don't assault the customer.
"Who has died?"
"Oh! Oh! Oh! My Georgie died, it's such a shame. He was only twelve."
"A child?"
Deep breath, quiet so as not to be obvious. Reset expectations. Make sure a credit check is run before anything is agreed to.
"Was Georgie a child?"
"No, he was a poodle!"
Attila smiled again, putting the weight of his personality behind it and the lady visibly buckled at the knees and started sweating.
"I've got him here," she confided, picking up the shopping bag with a little difficulty.
"Ah! Then come this way," said Attila, opening a door at the back of the showroom to the workshop. "This won't take more than a moment."
The door clicked shut behind them and there was a noise that might have been a scream cut short. Actinic light flickered around the room like summer lightning and there was a smell of ozone in the air. Then the door opened again and there was a joyous bark as a poodle darted out and started sniffing the display coffins.
"The thing about the journey Death starts us on," said Attila to Georgie, "is that it is entirely possible sometimes for someone else to take it for us."

Marc said...

Greg - three days is a tad much for me. I max out around two.

We decided not to pile on to his current misery and delayed the shot. Who knows if it was the best choice or not. We'll probably never know. Yay, parenting!

Attila is a very intriguing character. I wouldn't mind hearing more from him. And... I think the switch that takes place at the end may have been for the best. But I could just be being mean...