It's one week until Christmas! So let's all write a letter to Santa.
I helped Max write his first letter earlier this month. He got a reply about a week later, which left me feeling very impressed by our local Santa helper volunteers - that was quick work!
There's currently a south wind blowing out there, which is working on bringing the highs from -12 to either side of 0 in the coming days. Thank goodness.
My name is Eloise Ivy Danielle Blackstone, but you have my permission to call me Ellie. Just don't think that makes us friends, all right? Because we're not.
I could never be friends with someone who has such distastefully poor dietary habits.
I am, as you may have already surmised, six years old. Despite this advanced age this is, indeed, my very first letter to you. But I'm quite certain you already knew that, what with being all seeing and all knowing. I wonder: are you somehow related to God?
Oh, maybe you're a distant, rarely spoken to uncle! Like my Uncle Elwood. He's an alcoholic, but you already knew that. Could you maybe forget to deliver him his twelve bottles of rum on Christmas morning this year? Everyone would be so appreciative. Perhaps a case of carbonated water instead?
Anyway, getting to the point of this missive: my wish list. Don't worry, it is not lengthy. I know you are a very busy man and am considerate of that. Unlike all the other bratty, selfish children you receive letters from, demanding one of this and one of that and a million of the other.
No, not I. There is only one thing I want for Christmas, and so I am confident that you will be able to bring it to me in order to make my Christmas a satisfying one. Nothing else will do, so don't even think about dumping a sack full of candy or toys under my tree, do you understand?
Good. My wish, then, is simply this: I want my mother's divorce lawyer's cold, lifeless body under my tree this year. Bows and ribbons entirely optional.
I cannot be left in my father's care. I need both of my parents under this one roof, together. At least until I am old enough to inherit the family fortune. If mother and father get divorced before I come of age they will waste so much of it in court, battling back and forth. And then one of them is bound to walk away with half or more of the money (mother, I'm sure) before I am able to get my fair share. That just would not do.
I appreciate that it is only July as I write this, but I hope that you can act soon, before court proceedings get underway next month. I would not mind that the lawyer's body is not very fresh. It is more important that the very least amount be spent on this nonsense as possible.
Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to seeing the results of your work.
Very sincerely yours,