Saturday October 23rd, 2010

The exercise:

A four line poem, based on: only one remains.

All I'm going to say about this morning is: at least it wasn't windy.

And now we're down to one more market. I am looking forward to sleeping in on November 6th. Also, I might actually have the energy to write a half-decent four line poem that day.

Mine:

They say they that will fight
Till only one remains;
But when the victor sings,
Who will hear his refrain?

7 Comments:

Zhongming said...

Marc – Nicely done! Love your last two lines, it just blend in nicely :)

Only one remains

When there is a competition
The usual outcome of a fight
Has no other way to determine
Until the only one remains

Watermark said...

Marc - lovely, especially the last 2 lines! Quite moving. Thanks for your earlier comments too!

Zhongming - good one, gave me a visual image there!

here's mine:

He speaks, in a dark night that overpowers,
of shadows that chase candle flames
Emotions and memories, awash with tremors
Rise then fade 'til only one remains.

Greg said...

@Zhongming: Your poem is neatly observant; I don't know quite why but it puts me in mind of a traditional haiku: something about the way it focuses so neatly on a single idea and expresses it compactly.

@Watermark: hello! Your poem has a real depth to it, and the imagery is great: I can really picture the scene. In fact, I think I may have been there once or twice myself!

@Marc: Enjoy your sleep-in on November 6th then! I imagine lots of people over here will be doing the same thing, since November 5th is bonfire night, and if it falls on a Friday people will be partying harder than usual :)
A singing champion? You've been watching too much Glee, haven't you? :-P

Only one remains
The heat was just too fierce,
And they shrivelled up into husks,
Little lumps of sad carbon.
Of all the roast potatoes, only one remains.

Catherine Mackie said...

after the bloody fight
only one remains surrounded
by decapitated corpses
releasing life-giving energy.

Sorry, I cheated 'cos I forgot I wasn't supposed to edit it as I went along.... Suitably chastised... Great concept this blog... There I never edited any of the bit from 'sorry' to here.

summerfield said...

only one remains

his final days are wrought with pain
but matilde stays patiently and tends to him;
it is ironic that of six siblings he helped and loved,
all five have turned their backs and only one remains.

(based on a real life story i've heard so many years ago.)

Samantha said...

Marc, lovely poem! It's so simple, yet so profound. Enjoy your day off!

Zhonming, I really enjoyed that. It so simple, but perceptive.

Watermark, it's amazing! I love how you paint the situation with words. Fantastic!

Greg, very cute. I enjoyed it. :)

Catherine, very deep. I liked it.

Summerfield, that's such a sad situation. Unfortunately, it happens often.

----

A rush of emotions
Blur my mind.
When it clears,
Only one remains.

Marc said...

Zhongming - thanks, and I agree with Greg. There's a certain haiku-ness to your poem today.

Watermark - thank you, you're welcome, and I love what you did with your four lines :)

Greg - Glee? I'm not dignifying that with a response.

Clever take on the prompt - you had me going the wrong way right up until the end.

Catherine Mackie - hello and welcome!

Don't worry about editing - I've long since stopped paying attention to that rule myself. I think I shall have to officially remove it, actually.

The initial reason for having it was to encourage people to just write and not worry about 'getting it right'. I think it's time to replace it :)

Great, vivid imagery in your poem. I look forward to seeing more of your writing!

Summerfield - that's a very sad situation, but at the same time... at least one was there, rather than none.

Samantha - thanks very much, it's good to see you back here :)

I think you conveyed that 'calm after the storm' very well, in four very short lines. Nicely done!