Thursday March 4th, 2010

The exercise:

Today's prompt is inspired by a story that Dark recently posted on Protagonize. I'm quite excited about the whole thing and hope that I'll be able to join the fun. If not I'll still enjoy following its progress, I'm sure.

Anyway, the prompt: hunting humans.


She walks the streets,
Night after night,
Looking for a face
Shaped just right
So that she may
End a life.

And while she hunts,
Others hunt her;
But not by choice -
They're no monsters -
Just normal folk
Whose lives were upturned.

The winner of this game
Wins their chosen prize.
But as they play
With madness in their eyes,
Do any of them see
That all ten souls will die?


Greg said...

I'd say you're in with a pretty good chance of getting in on Dark's story with your entry. I'm not so sure about mine, there seem to be a few people wanting to write about a Brazilian thug (enforcer) who look like they'll write something splashier and more exciting than me. Good luck though!

The way the rhyme scheme vanishes in the second verse here is rather strong, it changes the voice of the poem a little and adds a level of sinisterness (sinisteristity? I think I prefer it). I would say that I think you mean overturned rather than upturned at the end of the verse though; an upturn is an improvement.

Hunting humans

There's never enough time in the night,
When you've got your prey in the sight
Of a high-powered rifle,
And you give him an eyeful,
Of a crossbow bolt's beautiful flight.

Marc said...

Nah, I quite liked what you did with Thiago. You've got my vote!

I considered doing one for him but then decided he was too similar to Nate (single father, life of violence) and decided to pick someone totally different than I normally would. I think it turned out okay and so far I've got no competition :P

Sinisteristity = yes.

I suppose overturned would have worked better, but I was going with the 'to cause disorder; upheave' definition of upturn.

I'll admit to being a bit confused by the ending of yours. I guess the switch from high-powered rifle to a crossbow bolt lost me.

Greg said...

Hmm, I didn't know upturn meant to cause disorder! That'll teach me not to quickly check the dictionary definition before I go critiquing! Thank-you, your word works just fine now :)

I can see what you mean about mine, but I don't think I can fix it without losing the limerick. The sight on a rifle (well, on a decent one) can be removed and used on other compatible weapons, which is what I had in mind. Changing crossbow bolt to bullet is the obvious solution, but at the moment I can't see how to bring the syllable count back after that :(

Marc said...

Ah, I understand now. My brain just wasn't following before :)