Monday July 31st, 2017

The exercise:

Write something that takes place in: the flower shop.

Pretty good first day back at work. Other than the smoke that arrived around 9 this morning and hung around for the rest of the day. More wildfire smoke from south of the border, apparently.

Today is my seventh wedding anniversary, so I grabbed some flowers for my lovely wife on the way home from work. Going to try to have a proper date with Kat during my next set of days off.

It's going to be a hot week. Not thrilled about that, but at least I'll have air conditioned offices to clean every day. I walked into Town Hall this afternoon and was like... yeah, I'm just going to stand here for a minute and enjoy this.

Mine:

"I need a bouquet of flowers, fast."

"What's the occasion?"

"What? What does it matter?"

"Well, we carry different arrangements for different circumstances. You know, birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, funerals. That sort of thing."

"Don't care. Just pick one and I'll take it. Quickly, please."

"I'm... I can't... I'm not really comfortable with that! What if it's completely inappropriate?"

"That's not your concern! Come on, man! Flowers! Pronto!"

"Fine, fine. I just don't understand why you can't tell me what they're for..."

"You really want to know?"

"... have I not made that clear?"

"Fine. Just remember that you asked for it."

"I'd say I very nearly demanded it!"

"They're for my girlfriend..."

"Aw, that's sweet!"

"... to apologize for getting her mother pregnant."

1 Comments:

Greg said...

Enjoy the air-conditioning! It's still hot here in Kiev but the (relative) lack of humidity makes it much, much easier to tolerate. I do not miss the humidity in Malta one bit.
And happy anniversary! Seven's supposed to be a lucky number, so let's hope it proves lucky for you too :) I'm guessing that you'd like something like a child-free evening at a great restaurant at a surprisingly affordable price as your stroke of good luck.
Well, your last line made me laugh, so your work today is officially great! I enjoyed the way the conversation unfolded with the urgency made clear without feeling forced, and how the punchline was neatly delivered in two halves. I knew there was going to be something when I reached the ellipsis, but I wasn't expecting that particular reveal!

In the flower shop
"I say, it's awfully damp in here, isn't it?" Basil half-lifted a foot out of the 5cm of water that covered the floor and put it back down again with a mild splash.
"What do you expect?" The woman tending to the large glass tanks full of roses and tulips was wearing a paisley headscarf and green rubber boots, both of which reminded Basil strongly of his Aunt Agatha. He looked around again, a little nervously, just in case there were any chihuahuas nearby. His fears assuaged, he tried to convey his discomfort again.
"Well," he said, fitting six vowels in where everyone else would just have put an "e", "I was expecting something a little less... soggy."
"Why?"
Basil starting sweating. The woman was as bad at the teachers when he was school, asking questions and expecting answers instead of lecturing with their backs to the class.
"I. Well. I thought--"
"Really?"
Basil's upper lip quivered a little. "I came in to buy some flowers," he said. "Not paddle."
"You're in the wrong shop," said the woman.
"But it says flower shop on the sign!"
"That's flow-er shop," said the woman, pronouncing the first syllable to rhyme with "go". "As in, things that flow. Rivers, to be precise."
"Wha?"
"I sell rivers," said the woman patiently. "If you'd like 3.5km of stream, or perhaps 150km of ship-grade flow then you're in the right place. For a price I can do rapids and small waterfalls, but if you want a proper cataract you need Thelma down the road. And don't go asking her for contact lenses, that really gets her goat."
Basil realised his mouth was hanging open and forced it shut. He looked around again. "I've always fancied about 600m of trout stream," he said hesitantly.
"Now you're talking," said the woman turning and smiling at him. "Come out back with me."