Friday June 19th, 2009

The exercise:

Four Line Friday Prose returns with: keeping count.

Mine:

He told her he loved her twenty-five times today. She said she missed him more than he can ever imagine five times. They each said they would never be apart for this long ever again ten times.

But who's keeping count?

4 Comments:

Greg said...

Slight saccharine prose, but then I'm told that I'm not romantic. I do like the idea behind it though :)

Keeping Count

The metronome ticks, its lever swaying graceful from side to side. Below its shelf, the metro gnome sighs, counting the ticks until it's time to go to work. Finally his count reaches seven hundred and twenty nine and he stands and slips down the pole. He starts counting the ticks again, in just one hundred and forty four the trains will return.

Salynne Wilde said...

She falls down on her knees and rams her shaking hands into the crevices of the couch. Angrily she tosses the cushions on to the floor along with the crumbs and crayon. “Something, anything, please”, she screams silently as tears slide down her face. Sitting on the floor she looks into the kitchen at the calendar. Keeping count…day 7, drug free.

Marc said...

Greg - I thought that final line could be interpreted in a rather sinister way. As in, they're obviously not keeping count... so who is?

Dun dun dun, and so on and so forth. :)

Also: a metro gnome?!? Yes. So yes.

Salynne Wilde - oh, that was very powerful. I liked the misdirection at the start, it made the final line all the more striking.

Thanks for sharing!

Greg said...

hmm, I hadn't noticed that about the last line, but you're right. That does make the whole thing a lot more sinister! Now I like it even more :)

--g