The exercise:
Today there has been sunshine, rain, hail, and now sunshine again. Welcome to Vancouver in March.
The four line poem topic for this ever so usual Saturday is: just visiting.
Mine:
These people are so strange:
The music doesn't change,
The bed's a robin's nest...
Thank God I'm just a guest!
3 comments:
I love the sentiment expressed by the last line -- you've got general bemusement relieved by that line. Hmm, that's poorly put. Let me try: you build tension nicely in the first three lines, and then defuse it deftly with the last one!
A question though: are robin's nests known for being messy, or built in a particular way?
Just visiting
The nurse approaches with concern in hazel eyes,
And takes my elbow, leads me to a room that's filled with pain,
"There you go, you got lost again, Mr. Price,"
"But I'm just visiting," I protest in vain.
Visiting those hospital fears
Nervous eyes scan the room.
Ripped jean girl sits near the door.
Graying mom shakes her leg.
Two year old sleeping on chairs.
Worlds apart in life.
Together waiting to hear.
Surgeon enters the room.
Greg - I have no idea, I was going for the literal take (that it was actually factually a robin's nest).
And I like how you lead me in one direction with your first three lines and then spun me 'round with the last.
Septembermom - I can close my eyes and see your scene clearly. Well done :)
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